Ah, corporate assholes… you’ve gotta love ‘em.
Microsoft Exec 1: “Y’know, we’ve built this OS with a staggering number of security holes. 500,000 machines running our software were compromised in a single wave last week.”
Microsoft Exec 2: “We kinda suck at our jobs, don’t we?”
MSE1: “Word. So, whaddaya think we can do about it? Anything?”
MSE2: “Shit, man, I dunno.”
MSE1: “Wait, I’ve got a thought. I’m just spitballin’, but what if we build a USB device that can be plugged into a Windows box, immediately cracking passwords and other security measures!”
MSE2: “You’re a fucking genius! I don’t know how it could be any better!”
MSE1: “I do! We give these things away to the government! Any government! Free! It’ll be awesome!”
MSE2: “My mind, it is blown. Let’s go to Starbucks and congratulate each other.”
Time to give Hardy Heron another look, folks.
The COFEE, which stands for Computer Online Forensic Evidence Extractor, is a USB “thumb drive” that was quietly distributed to a handful of law-enforcement agencies last June. Microsoft General Counsel Brad Smith described its use to the 350 law-enforcement experts attending a company conference Monday.
The device contains 150 commands that can dramatically cut the time it takes to gather digital evidence, which is becoming more important in real-world crime, as well as cybercrime. It can decrypt passwords and analyze a computer’s Internet activity, as well as data stored in the computer.